Too Heavy

For Natalie

Looking through some old pictures it occurred to me
That we have been apart now for ten long years
Now maybe I should act depressed but I don't really have the nerve
Because despite of all your curses I didn't get what I deserved
 You had left me rather hurtingly and found someone right away
 Who lasted all of several weeks if it's true what people say
 Now I know that doesn't matter, and in fact I don't much care
 Your priority was leaving me, of which I'm painfully aware
Since then I've seen you maybe half a dozen times
We didn't go for each other's throats then, but neither did we calm our minds
I haven't met you now in ages, and maybe that is for the best
And when you happen to be mentioned I act humoured and at rest

But at night you still sometimes show up in a dream
And then you have me wondering how it'd might have been
I ask, could I have held you if I'd known what I'd got
And the answer is, probably not
  You're too heavy, too heavy
  You're too heavy, too heavy
  You're too heavy, too heavy
  You're too heavy, too heavy

You came like sweet warm rain into my life one day
And I fell head over heels and ignored what my friends would say
They said, your first big love won't last a hundred nights
And now sometimes I think they had better been right
 You were my first real girlfriend, my first lover too
 And how much this meant I didn't really have a clue
 It all worked so nicely and it sure was fun
 It was easy to please you and I felt like number one
I didn't learn till later that pleasing can be hard
Which for more than one romance spelled a nasty start

What others learn at sixteen I learned at twenty-five
You must work if it's worth it to make it come alive
Now, had I known that earlier you might still be here
And that prospect I must say does fill me –
With fear
  You're too heavy, too heavy
  You're too heavy, too heavy
  You're too heavy, too heavy
  You're too heavy, too heavy

I heard you'd become a mother quite soon after you'd left
And when I heard that, I just took a deep breath
To think, hey Erik that dad could have been you
And now imagine the hassles we'd have had to go through
 Imagine fighting for custody and money and time
 Having to visit on weekends or leading a single father's life
 Just to think that kids as such just drive me mad
 I don't need you to tell me I'd make a dreadful dad

But in those dreams you beg me to come back again
To be a father to your kid and to you just the man
And in those dreams I'm tempted, but awake I see:
If that's the way it could be –
Then I'd rather be free
  You're too heavy, too heavy
I'd rather be free
  You're too heavy, too heavy
I'd rather be free –
  You're too heavy, too heavy
  You're too heavy, too heavy
  You're too heavy, too heavy
  You're too heavy
And I'd rather be free

July 28, 2004.


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Last edited: July 28, 2004