Gupta Man

Music by Billy Joel: "Piano Man"

It's a quarter to nine on a Monday
The programming crowd staggers in
There's a team leader next to my terminal
With drool dripping off of his chin

He says, "you got to write me a program
"I'm not really sure what it's for
"Make it short, make it sweet, make it np-complete
"And it's got to be finished by four"

Write us the code, Mr Gupta Man
That app we have already sold
We would tell you we need it by Saturday
But by last one, if truth must be told

Look at Mike who might have been a novelist
If at school he had not learned Pascal
Trading SQL secrets with Stephanie
Whose boyfriend has left her last fall

We're a rather sad crowd if you think of it
Yet you say, ain't it worth what you're paid?
'T ain't much, friend, just look in the parking lot
It's in Boss's new Audi A 8

Come write us the code, Mr Gupta Man
The customer's making a fuzz
We've been teaching this app since the day began
And we're not yet so sure what it does

Now Paul has escaped from this honey trap
And is soon going to found his own shop
And we think, "is this courage or craziness?"
While we hunt today's most wanted bug

We say, someday we're going to get out of here
And we almost believe it at times
Cause by day life looks somewhat spectacular
And you don't see us crying at night

So write us the code, Mr Gupta Man
We'll demo it quarter to five
And please don't leak its state to the management
They think it has worked since July

So what for, you ask, are we doing this?
Are we cautious or stupid or stoned?
There are hundreds of shops seeking personnel
While we're sitting here coding alone

Well you might say we feel quite Titanically
The iceberg is looming ahead
So we sip from our coke, and the smokers go smoke
And by the next release, we could be dead

Come write us the code, Mr Gupta Man
And don't say it cannot be done
Look here, everything clearly is specified
And all you have to do's make it run

And the keyboard, it clicks like a tickertape
And the screen flickers like a TV
And I'm hunting through megs worth of error codes
And faxes which came in last year

Well it's pretty good code for a Monday
And my team leader gives me a smirk
Cause he knows it is me they'll be coming to see
When they find out that it doesn't work

So write us the code, Mr Gupta Man
That QA must wait till sometime
About documentation we'll worry then
As long as it runs, all is fine

October 9, 2002. Inspired by "DP Man", another Piano Man-based parody by Greg Gerke I found here.


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Last edited: December 11, 2003